I’ve realised that I’m an “If Only Girl”.  The signs have been flashing in front of my eyes.  At first very quickly like one of those subliminal advertising gimmicks.  Now, with a ‘don’t notice me at your own peril’ kind of glare.

I’ll admit that there was a time when this label was self-imposed.  I’m pleased to say that through copious amounts of self-work, self-love has conquered.  I’m not bragging, pinky swear.  I just know that we continuously grow and evolve.  That there will always be opportunities for transformation.  To think, act and feel differently.  It’s purely that acceptance has found its home within me.

There is a saying that I truly believe, ‘Where ever there are unmet expectations, there will be conflict.’  Just stop for a moment and ponder this.  Do you agree?

Think of the last time you experienced conflict.  What was the cause?  Expectation?  Assumption? Do either of those states resonate with you?  Without realising it, I sometimes think that we expect or assume others will think, act, feel the same way we do.  But we’re all different, aren’t we?

And isn’t that a good thing?  Isn’t it that what brings a richness into our worlds? Imagine a world where we all look the same, think the same, act the same!  Ok, lets avoid overly dramatic scenarios which cause harm, pain and suffering.  There I do concur that in the spirit of goodness we should align to common decency.

Consider this? If we think we can change or mould someone into what we require, we are completely misguided.

I suppose that there is no harm in requesting something from someone! Else how would they know?  It helps to get clarity, remove expectations, dissolve assumptions and ultimately avoid frustration and anger. The trick though would be to BE UNATTACHED to the outcome.  As THAT is where conflict enters the scene.

To accept the others choice and then to make a choice of our own.

ifonlygirlheadingI would say that the IF ONLY issue,is a real issue when this becomes a theme.  A continuous repetition, act after act.

Just for a moment reflect on the possibility – are you an ‘If Only Girl/Guy’?  Or is there perhaps someone that you treat as an ‘If Only person’? (if only they did this, or behaved like that etc..). What clarity or change in thinking would you need to stop this? What impact do you think this is having on you and or the other person?

I’ve decided that being an ‘If Only Girl’, crushes my natural flow and eats away at my being.  I truly do have a choice in this.

I would rather be an ‘If you were the only girl in the world girl’.  Warts and all.

Tanya Long  2018/08/25

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