I need to share a secret, and this is a BIG one, so big that it was even a secret to me until a few days ago.

So…. Here we go …

burnoutjunkie

I’m owning it.  Owning what owns me.  And that my friends, is the first step for everything. Don’t you think?

How I missed this escapes me.  You would think that I’d know this about myself by now and recognise the warning signs.  It’s not that I haven’t been here before! A few times too many, actually.

It’s like this magical zone which keeps drawing me in.  Spurred on, not by fomo (well maybe just a little) but by this drive to be the grandest version of myself.  Enticed like a cat chasing a beam of light.

They say that secrets cause separation.  And what I’ve realised is this little (or maybe not so little) secret has created a chasm in me being true to myself.  Somewhere between doing good and doing good for myself, I lost the plot.  Until ‘bam’, the universe eventually stepped in and put the brakes on resulting in an emergency appendectomy and 24 body staples (which look kinda cool actually).

In my defence, I’m told that certain personalities are more burnout prone – so I’ll take that.

So I feel the need to share what burnout signs I will I be looking for in the future:

  • Is my body packing up?
    • Feeling exhausted all the time, even after a decent nights sleep. Catching random illnesses from even just looking at someone sneeze.
  • Is my mind in overdrive?
    • Constantly having a monkey mind which just doesn’t shut up. Endless to-do lists. Struggling to sleep because of a head spinning with thoughts. Difficulty in being able to focus
  • Am I acting a bit weird?
    • Snappy, feeling irritated or jumpy. Turning excessively to good mood food, wine, cigarettes etc  or doing exactly the opposite, starving oneself.
  • Am I feeling overwhelmed, guilty and in reaction to things?
    • Feeling out of control or procrastinating more than usual. Even the smallest thing seems to take such energy and longer to do.  Feeling guilty because one can’t get to everything and like one is letting others down.
  • But I can’t stop!
    • Inspite of it all (the packed up body and fuzzy exhausted mind), put on a happy smile, get up the next day right back on the hamster wheel (as one can’t let anyone or especially oneself down).
  • Am I in a burnout cycle?
    • Ask some hard questions – What do I need to acknowledge about myself? Am I a Type A personality/ Perfectionist or over achiever? Feeling a need to prove myself? Setting myself extremely high expectations? Back shelving time with friends, exercise, sleep and fun? And is this just a blip, or has it been going on for a while?

I urge you, listen to your mind and body.  Pay attention to the signs…  When taking on the next ‘thing’ ask yourself “Is this good for me?” and I insist, don’t feel guilty about it. And just know  that stopping is not a sign of weakness

Inspite of the opportunity to have body staples, you really don’t want the universe to put on the brakes. Being in burnout really snuffs…

Yours in stapleness…

Tanya                                                                                                                             2017/11/14

burningcandlebothends

P.S. credits to:

Jo Thompson (coaching colleague and friend) – for his haunting question a few days ago “Tanya, what conversation do you need to have with yourself regarding this drive to do everything?”

Paula Bellostas Muguerza – https://www.thriveglobal.com/stories/16282-six-sure-signs-you-are-headed-for-burnout